Pants and Pinecones
by AnonymousNumber9
Summary: Valkyrie and Skulduggery find themselves in a pinecone forest with a troublesome ferret that may or may not be trying to steal Valkyrie's clothes.


Disclaimer: I do not own Skulduggery or Valkyrie.

Valkyrie sighed. They'd been walking through the pine forest for hours, searching for the "magic" pinecone. Valkyrie was skeptical as to whether this pinecone was actually magical or not, but either way they had to find it before some evil mastermind – disillusioned or otherwise – decided it was worth their while trying to find.

"Skulduggery how will we even know it is the right pinecone? There are so many!" Valkyrie inquired.

"You will know Valkyrie. It will be bigger and more luscious than the others." She sighed yet again.

"This had better be worth it Skulduggery. We've been walking for hours and you haven't once offered to carry me!" Skulduggery tilted his head.

"Oh fear not Valkyrie, it will be extremely worth it. The magic from that pinecone is enough to bring any man to his knees." Valkyrie frowned at that, but they continued onwards.

The duo was plodding along looking for the magic pinecone, when a ferret jumped up and pulled off Valkyrie's jacket. She was startled and yelled but the ferret had already disappeared.

"That ferret stole my jacket!" Valkyrie growled. Skulduggery seemed to find that quite amusing.

"I'm sure it was terribly fearsome Valkyrie." Valkyrie glared. Despite his apparently expressionless face, she just knew he was smirking. "How on earth did you manage to lose your jacket to a ferret?" Valkyrie scowled at that.

"I don't know," She said, "It just took off with it and –" She broke off, as the ferret had returned and taken off with her boots! It disappeared just as quickly as it had materialised, just like last time. Valkyrie threw her hands in the air in frustration. Despite still being terribly amused, Skulduggery did show some concern.

"Why did they just disappear like that? Both the ferret and the boots." He mused. "Perhaps it has the magic pinecone?" Valkyrie's face was like thunder.

"That would explain it." She replied. "Those were my favourite boots. And I don't even want to mention my beloved jacket." Before they could plan their next course of action, the ferret returned and stole her top and pants. Valkyrie squealed and jumped behind a tree.

"Hat!" She demanded, and a very flustered Skulduggery complied, covering his eye sockets with his hat.

They stood like that in silence for a moment, until Valkyrie said, "Well?!"

"Well what," came Skulduggery's voice, muffled by his hat.

"Are you going to just stand there or are you going to offer me your suit jacket!"

"Oh, well I could I suppose. But then the ferret may return and take that as well, and I can't imagine life without it." Despite not being able to see anything, Skulduggery could feeling her withering glare. Then Valkyrie screamed again.

"Skulduggery it's back and it's going to steal my underwear! AND YOU HAVEN'T TAUGHT ME TO FLY YET!" Skulduggery sighed and went over the Valkyrie's tree, where she was shooting blasts of magic and dancing around trying to avoid the ferret, which was attempting to climb up her leg. Skulduggery scooped her up and away from the clutches of the underwear-grabbing ferret.

This extracted yet another scream (or perhaps squeal this time) from Valkyrie.

"Skulduggery what do you think you're doing!"

"I'm flying you away from the perverted ferret." Skulduggery replied smoothly as he rose into the air.

"I'd rather a perverted ferret than a perverted skeleton!" Valkyrie raged and Skulduggery's head tilted.

"I still can't see you Valkyrie." It was true; Skulduggery's hat was still lowered over his skull. This didn't seem to comfort Valkyrie however.

"Skulduggery, you are carrying me practically naked through the air! The fact as to whether or not you can see me is really not relevant at the moment!" Skulduggery chuckled and began to drop down to the forest floor, thinking it would be very unwise at this moment to point out that he had previously carried Valkyrie when she was _completely_ naked.

As soon as they touched the forest floor the ferret returned, but this time their blasts of fiery magic did not miss. The ferret exploded and in its place there was a large glowing pinecone.

Valkyrie's clothes however, were no where to be seen.


End file.
